UJIAN ALLAH SWT

Hurmmm.... Aku demam lagi... Demam sekejap jer, tp batuk n selesema dah hampir seminggu tak ok lagi. Itupun baru dua minggu lepas aku kena demam, selesema n batuk mcm ni... Penat gak.. Kesian kat babyku n chentaku...

Dalam keadaan mcm ni seme pun aku tak de mood nk buat. Badan tak sihat. Nak datang keje pun aku malas.. Baju husband pun aku gosok pagi2 sebelum gi keje, malas nk prepare dari malam. Ikutkan hati aku ni, balik jer keje aku nk tido n restkan badan... Naper la aku asik tak sihat jer.. Tp kan ker bagus mcm ni, tak silap aku, kater org kalau kita sakit ni maknanya tuhan nk hapuskan dosa-dosa kecil kita... Alhamdulillah, syukur ke hadrat Ilahi..

Sebenarnyer sejak seminggu aku tak sihat ni banyak giler keje aku tertangguh, samada kat tempat kerja atau kat umah. Antaranya :

1. Aku sepatutnya email kat supplier something, but it is not completed untill today, already middle of the week.

2. Aku sepatutnya study something yang need further clarification on my task but, i'm not even start a word untill now.

3. Baju yang dah berlipat sejak hari sabtu hari tu sampai hari ni aku tak susun lagi lam almari.

4. Bilik yang aku tak lap n mop since minggu lepas.. Serabut dah aku tengok, tp i'm not in mood. Badan aku lemah betul ni..

5. Aku sepatutnya beli barang yg banyak dah habis stok kat umah tu, tp aku malas giler nk jalan kat supermarket utk beli semua tu. Lagi2 bila aku pikir supermarkat tu besar, nk kena jalan jauh giler utk cari seme barang, pastu nk kena beratur panjang giler utk bayar. Kalau aku sihat pun aku tak suka shopping ini pulak lam keadaan mcm ni.

6. Aku nk pi beli baju anak aku yang sepatutnya dah lamer aku buat. Bukan aper, dia dah nk masuk 9 bulan, tp baju dia yg sesuai utk umur dia, aku baru beli 5 pasang baju tido n 5 pasang bj pakai siang. Selebihnya baju saiz lamer. Walaupun padan tp aku tgk dah singkat gak tu. Tp aku malas giler nk ke shopping2 complex ni, aku tak larat. Lagi pulak aku kalau beli bj heroku tu, paling kurang sejam baru setel.. Sejam nk jalan n berdiri pilih bj.. OOOOOOO... I'm totally not in moood... Maafkan ummi sayang...

Kesimpulan yang boleh aku buat adalah i'm SICK. So, aku ingat bila aku dah sihat nanti aku kena cover seme ni... Kesian kat org keliling aku yang secara langsung menerima impak ketidaksihatan aku ni... Maaf abg.. Maaf baby... Sayang betul2 tak larat.. Ummi betul2 tak mampu nk buat tu seme buat masa ni... Insyaallah bila dah sihat sayang/ummi cover balik seme...

alhmadulillah.... syukur kepadaNYA

Assalamualaikum wbt...

Dah masuk bulan november pun.. tinggal sebulan jer lagi tahun 2009... Tak sabar aku nk tunggu masa berlalu.. aku tak sabar nk tua bersama suamiku... tak sabar nk tgk anak aku membesar, bersekolah dan berjaya.... Insyaallah kalau TUHAN izinkan.... Apa pun alhamdulillah aku masih bernyawa hingga ke hari ini...

Hurmmm... Aku baru baik dari demam, 4 hari demam. Bermulanya bulan november ni dengan demam... Teruk jugak demam aku. Seingat aku dah dua tahun berturut aku akan demam bila nk hujung tahun.. Takpe la.. Kata org, demam ke sakit ker adalah tanda bahawa YANG ESA masih ingatkan kita (walaupun sebenarnya dia sentiasa ingat kita, kita jer yang selalu lupa dia). YANG ESA nak hapuskan dosa-dosa kecil kita.

Apa pun terima kasih aku kat suami tercinta yang aku rasa tak henti-henti jaga aku sampai aku sihat.. Jaga anak lagi, jaga aku lagi... Dua-dua demam.. Penin kepala dia.. Byk kali aku dengar dia mengeluh tak bersemangat nk kerja sebab dua2 org kanan dia sakit... Terima kasih abang dan sayang mohon maaf sesangat.. tak habis-habis susahkan abang...

KEMURUNGANKU

Setiap pagi bila aku bangun and bersiap nk pegi keje, dalam kepala aku mesti ada some idea nak update blog, since aku macam dah janji ngan diri aku sendiri untuk update blog selalu.... Tapi bila sampai jer kat opis, seme idea aku ntah terbang kemana. Nak update aper pun tak tahu, nk tulis tajuk pun tak reti dah rasanya...

So normally aku akan start doing something else, baca paper, start buat keje lu n othez that i think i should do n in mood in doing it. And it'll end up wiv nothing of update for this blog...

So today, sambil2 aku buka jer new post window ni, aku tengok desperate housewife lu n pikir-pikir aper aku blh buat. And now i think i've something in mind... Nothing important, it just something nice to dig and read when i'm old... ;)

Sekarang ni aku rasa aku tengah mengalami saat paling teruk lam kerjaya aku.. Aku sekarang tengah sanngat tensen ngan kerja aku. Aku tak tahu halatuju kerja aku, aku tak paham apa aku perlu buat. Aku hilang interest untuk buat... Dan aper yang lebih teruk ada la aku tahu seme tu, tapi aku tak boleh buat aper2 pasal tu, aku hanya datang opis buang masa... I'm thinking of resigning from my job now, but as my husband said, it's a waste... Satu kerugian kalau aku berhenti. Kalau aku nk berhenti pun at least wait untill i'm 40. And at the same time, he will figure out sometihng for me to work wiv when i'm not working with this big organization anymore. Actually, he did give me a few option but i'm still screening it...

As for me, its ok for me to be a fulltime housewife.. Why? Bcos i love raising my child on my own.. I love cooking for my husband and my family, i love doing chores myself... I love to decorate my house... But when i look back, my husband is right, i'll feel boring with doing just that in a few months. I'm an aggresive type. I cant just sit at home n doing all that. I've to go out sometimes. Earn my own money...

So, i dont know till when i've to face all this thing. I felt useless again, as my first few months working here. I've done nothing to this company... It's a waste to have me, i think... I love being busy and its okay to be overloading. With that you know you are really entitled to get your monthly salary.. Its better to be underpaid than overpaid n doing notihng at works. As per my dictionary, it'll spell LOSER.

Oh YA ALLAH, help me... I'm stuck, and i hate being stucked like this.. I dont have courage to come to office... I know.. I've to be positive, but... I'm tired of being positive... YA ALLAH, aku lah antara makhluk MU yang tak reti bersyukur diatas segala nikmatMU....

YA ALLAH, AKU MOHON KAU PERMUDAHKAN LAH SEGALANYA UNTUK KU... KAU TUNJUKKAN LAH KU JALAN, DAN PIMPINLAH AKU KEJALAN YANG ENGKAU REDHAI... RAHMATI DAN BERKATILAH AKU YA ALLAH..

Percubaan

I'm trying to update this blog everyday... My intention actually to build up my writing skill but it seems quite difficult to maintain it. But i'm trying... ;).

My husband and I had a few discussion before regarding this but i'm not taking it seriously till recently my husband keep repeating it almost everyday. Changing my car... And the latest we discussed, he did give me a few choices of car to be selected as per my interest (refer to his interest actually because he know what is my dream car is...). So the list was a CR-V, Estima, Alphard, Accord and Camry....

And my arguments is... I like HONDA... And my dream car is CIVIC... I like it very much, i think since years back, or should i say when i know to like a car and the car must be honda civic although that time the civic model was not as beautiful as now. Back to my arguments, so last nite i've decided to google all the car in the list to make a comparison and to make sure i did a correct decision. Actually i dont prefer camry and accord, too big and too expensive i think.. And i dont really like the design itself.. Estima and Alphard is a MPV, and i dont think we need a MPV yet... Its too big... Hehehehehe... So, i'm going for CRV.. But that just a ladies comparison thing, which is, beautiful, expensive all others that make sense to me as a woman and definitely doesnt make sense to my husband. Confirm.. Hehehehehe...

So as now, i'm googling the information, actually a specification for each of the car. My reason of choosing the car must be technical because other than that my husband will again reject my suggestion. Autokratik la my husband... Hahahahahaha.. No la, he always do a correct decision for me, it just that i nk ngader2....

So, i'm googling, googling and gooling.... With hope that i'm doing a right decision... Insyaallah...

Cantik tak? Hehehehe... Aku suka....

Kenyang + Diet

Konpius... Aku sedang kekenyangan sedangkan aku sedang diet.... Hehehehehehe..

Sebenarnya aku tidak diet, tetapi rakan2 sekelilingku sibuk berdiet. Jadi aku terasa ingin bersama-sama mereka diet. Aku risau giler kalau-kalau berat badan aku naik.. Aku sayangkan suamiku... Aku nk menten kurus pun sebab aku nk suami aku tengok aku sentiasa cantik...

Sememangnya dulu aku ingin sentiasa cantik, sentiasa menawan tetapi bila dah kawen ni aku rasa aku juga ingin cantik, tp kalau blh aku ingin lagi cantik dari dulu kerana aku nk suami aku sentiasa tgk aku cantik. Org lain lantak la nk kater aper, yg ptg suamiku suka pandang aku senang hatinya....

Jadi sekarang, aku bertekad untuk berdiet supaya aku kekal cantik untuk suamiku... Aku juga seharusnya buat facial (bulan ni belum buat lagi) untuk cantik kan muka ku untuk suamiku, aku juga ingin potong rambut supaya mukaku kelihatan berbeza dari sebelumnya.

Kesimpulan yang aku nk buat adalah aku nk cantik tetapi untuk suamiku sahaja.... Which is pada aku sangat susah kerana dia seorg yang sgt cerewet.... Tp aku harap dia nampak aku sentiasa cantik dimatanya ;)....

Abg, syg cantik tak?

Moody....

I'm in the mood today. I dun know why... but its good. A lot to do actually... nothing achieve yet, even now 2 months left for 2009. Its a tough task to settle, but i've to. If not then, it'll effect my performance. Arghhhhhhh... Pressure... Tension....

But as my fren said, "it's good to work under pressure." or could i say that my fren is actually try to take it as a positive way... Forget it!! Yup, there should be a pressure... But its not approriate to called it a "pressure" anymore within this 2 months time... It's become a burden! Or i am too pesimis, too negative... Is it my mistake? I've done alot i think and..... i've wasted my time alot too...
Hahahahahaha.. Nobody perfect right...

Actually, i just feel unfair. How the past person incharge do their work? Non of the planning is done by the time i come back from my long leave.... Actually done is to high to achieve, by nothing is started. I've to start everything. And at that time, i mean at the beginning i'm doing this task, i'm very passionate on doing it... But unfortunately, everybody are very unsupportive or should i say everybody are very busy or should i say are very busy acting. Acting as they are very busy doing alot of things... Oh noooo!!!!!! And now after all thus thing happen, i've no more courage to do it. So, i just wasted my time.. lalalalalala... lalalalalalala....

And after lalalalalalalla lalalalalalala lalalalalala.. 2 months left. How cruel the time is???? What can i do in two months? Its a R&D works.. Impossible! But is it possible for me? Or actually i've no choice which is to make it possible. Tough right? So agree wiv me or not, It's a burden!!!!! Am i to negative? Or it is a reality that i've to accept and then change it.. twist it into a superb performance, take it as a challenged.. Become the worker of the year???? Huhhhhh..

Stop again.. got meeting to attend... Another list of activity which using alot of time and sometimes doesnt give any output...

Its another day... Yesterday after meeting, my mood is again go swing. Nenonenoneno... Hehehehe.. And today, i definitely in mood on doing my things. So, i think it's enuf for now.. To be continued later...

Muhasabah diri

Muhasabah diri... Seharusnya hari-hari aku buat benda ni supaya aku tak lupa diriku.. Tp kekadang aku tak terpikir pun nk muhasabah diriku.. Aper yang mengingatkan diriku hari ini adalah kerana lagu yang aku dengar pagi td. Lagu "Pergi tak kembali"....

Teringat masa mula-mula aku denganr lagu tu.. Aku menangis.. Teresak-esak... And thats happens today... After 9 years.. I cried again listening to that song.. Aku rasa sangat tersentuh. Sungguh mendalam makna lirik tersebut. Mengingatkan aku tentang segalanya. Menyedarkan aku tentang pelbagai perkara. Dan sesungguhnya aku tersedar bahawa telah lama aku tidak khusyuk sebegini mengingati yg ESA.. Ya ALLAH, besarnya dosaku... Ampunilah dosaku....

Banyak yang telah KAU kurniakan untuk ku... Cukupkah kesyukuran yang aku panjatkan kepadaMU.. Banyak yang telah aku minta padaMU.. Pernahkah aku mensyukuri atas apa sahaj pemberianMU..

YA ALLAH... maner hilangnya arah perjalanan hidupku.Setiap hari aku menghadapmu namun adakah aku khusyuk setiap kali itu.. Adakah KAU menerima segala amalan ku itu... Ya ALLAH... pimpin la hambamu ini kejalan yang ENGKAU redhai... Lindungi la hambamu ini dari melakukan perkara-perkara yang ENGKAU murkai... Rahmati dan berkati apa sahaja yang aku lakukan....