A note to me

I feel like writing something today.
But, to be honest, I do not know what it is.
Typing.. deleting... typing... deleting..
Again and again and again.

Let's just be honest to me since it is a note for me to read in the future.

I've been back to my normal daily routine now.
It is a regularity that I always enjoy doing it.

Tough is the best word that describes my condition now.
No complaint.
Hahahahahaha...

I am not really well this past month.
But still have my life back as usual.
Even need to consume daily medication, but nothing serious.
In fact, it may be just me who feel it.
Scientifically, I am healthy.

In this condition, I always talked to myself.
Be strong.
ALLAH knows better in what HE planned for you.
HE always gives you what you need.
Don't ever give up on yourself.
#positivevibes

I always granted sustenance and happiness from ALLAH.
When HE actually discount it a bit from me, should I blame anybody?
Or it might be me?
Or actually, it is a way of HIM telling me that everything is just temporary.
HE just lends it to me without condition or limit.
But, if HE wants it back, HE can take it in any way he prefers without any notice.

It always me who need to realize and ever ready for it.
It is a rule that always there.
It's actually a reminder sends by HIM for me to restart, refresh and improve.
And it is actually another great thing from HIM.
It's not a discount at all.
It is a bonus.

It is a REMINDER.
A wonderful gift from ALLAH.
A bonus that came for me to be grateful.
For me to appreciate and put more effort to improve myself.
For me to remember there is always ALLAH who I can rely on.
For me to understand that everything happened for a reason and only happened with HIS permission.

And the most important thing.
For me to know, everything in this world is only temporary.
Enjoy it, appreciate it, and don't ever forget to be grateful for it.

Just remember, for me to be able to wake up this morning with good health to start my daily routine is only happening with HIS permission.
It is temporary.
But, with this beautiful provisional gift from HIM, I have to put 110% effort into everything I am doing.
Stop complaining.
Start showing to HIM that I am grateful.

It is a note to me.
Hopefully, one day when coming across the same situation, I knew that I have been here before.
And this things happened only because ALLAH love me.

ALHAMDULILLAH.

It hits me hard 😉

A child is a gift from ALLAH.

We always heard it. Or at least, people around me often discuss it. It is indeed 100% true. Burden by them sometimes, tired almost all the time but still worried countless time and loving them forever without condition or limit.

I am a mother of three superheroes, 9, 7 and 5 years old. All three are different. But they are definitely the biggest gift from ALLAH SWT. And this is a story of my eldest son.

He is totally a conventional man. Ignorance on an unimportant thing (of course based only on his judgment 😄), straightforward in making a decision, doing just what he likes, left everything everywhere, not much talking but more action, it's a NO when he said no and only YES if he said so. Believe me, he is a real conventional man. At least that is what I think, no offend 😎. But he is also the one who gets what he learns really fast, always listen to me, never give up searching for a solution for each of his problem, loving his brother in his annoying way and sensitively react to almost everything (in a good or bad reaction). He is my best friend and also my biggest critic.

He always being lovely and give a compliment.

Ummi, I think you are right on this thing. I knew u always right.

Ummi, u are beautiful today.

Ummi, I love you.

Ummi, u look tired, go rest, no cooking. Let ask ayah to eat out today.

Your nasi lemak always taste the world to me.

Ummi, don't give up (with hugs and kisses)

But, he is also saying what he hates the most or thinks it's wrong straightly.. (again 100% based on his judgement..which is unfair to me 😃..)

Ummi, u look fat. Stop eating.

Ummi, you look like a ghost. Do you put something on your face?

Ummi, what did u cook? It tastes weird. Bad.

Ummi, u bought scarf again? It totally a waste. All look the same to me.

Or, u already have a lot in the closet. Why u need more?

Hurmmm... it hits me really hard. Always.

And what hit even harder. 

One beautiful day when I feel like getting attention from all the boys at home when they busy playing games.

Ummi : Abang, help me pass the message to ayah. (he is listening while playing his Minecraft game on the bed and ayah is playing PS4 with his brothers)

Abang : OK. What it is?

Ummi : Tell ayah, if he doesn't kiss me, he doesn't love me.

Abang: (He gives me a cynical smile and continue playing)

Ummi : Why did u grin like that?

Abang : (He looked at me with an annoyed reaction). Do you know that kissing is not the only way of showing love? Do not kiss never means he doesn't love you. (continue playing his game)

Ummi : You better stop playing and just pass the message. (He walks to his ayah which sit just outside of the bedroom)

Abang : Ayah, do u agree that kiss is not the only way of showing love?

Ayah : (Smile satisfactorily)

Ummi : Both of you go find other room tonight!!!

Abang : Oh, come on ummi. Of course, we love you. It's you, who doesn't love us when u said that. 

Again. It's definitely true. I always joke that to my husband when we are having a different point of view about something. But I never thought that is actually another way of saying, "I don't love you. Go away from me.".

Even it is a joke, but it's something negative which should not come out from our lips as everything is a doa. To all pretty women who read this, let's change it into positivity.

To you abang, thanks for always be my reminder.
Thank you ALLAH for the best gift ever.

Footnote:

Does anybody ever have the same moment as me?? Let's change it then. I know. I know it's unfair. Totally wrong right? I am more than agree. It just us being a woman who craves for a show of love affection from the people we love. Is it too difficult for them? Not even cost a pence or a minute of their precious gaming time.  

#indenialmood😄

#it'sreallyhard